I moved exactly one month ago.
Nothing is where it should be, really. There are stacks of artwork waiting to be hung, the bathroom drawers are totally unorganized, and I have my old couch sitting in a storage unit downstairs- waiting patiently to sell on Craig’s List.
My second or third night here, I woke up and frantically felt like I needed to re-pack my boxes and move back into my old apartment. I thought I’d made a mistake. I was able to realize that I was being delusional and emotional, and I quieted my anxiety and went back to bed. Anytime I drove around my old neighborhood, which was often since I’m not far from where I used to live, I thought I should “go home” and that if I turned a key that all my furniture and life would still be there. It wasn’t logical, since I’d moved out and had seen each and every room empty, but my head kept telling me my life was there still. It was weird.
I had not anticipated how difficult this move would be.
I had not prepared or prayed, because I assumed it would be easy.
I wanted this. I knew this was right.
But a part of me resisted this change, even though I had felt bored and nearly stagnant for months.
A few days before my trip I invited Robyn over for dinner, our first gathering at my new home: I decided to hang some canvases before she arrived. I’d purchased a handful of command strips and got to work laying out the collage on the floor then carefully stuck each and every piece up. The transformation was apparent and almost immediately I felt more settled. Robyn arrived, I prepared us a salad and had prosciutto on the side with a few leaves of basil I grew myself on the patio. We drank red wine, watched a Lifetime movie, and laughed. “It feels like you should have always been here. It feels right.” I nodded and smiled. Two simple acts had quieted my heart.
And so, there are the two parts of this for me: the humanness that tells me that I am “behind” and moving “backwards,” the lies. Then there is my spirit- that God speaks directly to, and He is reminding me that I have been obedient, that I will be grateful for this, that I am living my forward.
"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me." -John 14:1 (KJV)